


singularity

by soulofme



Series: sheith sentence prompts [27]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Adam/Shiro, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, blame tumblr as usual, why am I doing this lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 10:08:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15531936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofme/pseuds/soulofme
Summary: Shiro has Adam. Keith kinda has James.Everything fuckingsucks.





	singularity

**Author's Note:**

> sentence prompt: he's never gonna be yours.

Shiro has Adam. Keith kinda has James.

Everything fucking _sucks_.

It’s the only thing Keith can think right now. He’s sitting on James’ bunk, blowing smoke through his nostrils and trying not to choke on it. James smirks at him, all nasty and dark, and Keith wants to punch every single tooth out of his goddamn mouth.

He doesn’t. He sulks like he’s three fucking years old and turns on his side. James digs his feet into the base of Keith’s spine because he’s a prick and starts whistling some cheery shit.

“It’s Friday night,” James sings, drunk off that cheap beer he has stocked beneath his bed, “and Kogane’s _sucking my dick_.”

“I’m not sucking your fucking dick,” Keith snaps. Doesn’t matter that he spends most of his time on his knees in this room, hating himself every second.

“Not yet,” James croons. “Not _yet_.”

Keith rubs the cigarette out on James’ bed post and glares at a water mark on the ceiling. James keeps singing something. Keith tunes it out until he hears the bedsheets rustle and watches as James crawls over him.

“Get off,” Keith says automatically.

James rolls his eyes and flops onto his side. The bed’s too small for them, forcing them to press every inch of their sides together, and Keith feels sick all the way down to his toes. He turns his face away from James, pretends he doesn’t feel his hot breath licking up the side of his neck.

“Hey, Kogane.”

“ _What_?”

“He’s never gonna be yours,” James says, punctuating his statement with a hiccup.

Keith twists around to look at him. “Who?”

“Takashi Shirogane,” James slurs, throwing his arms up in some kind of broad gesture. “Galaxy Garrison’s golden boy. Best fucking astronaut in the world.”

“Whatever.”

“He’s never gonna be _yours_ ,” James repeats, getting in Keith’s face and breathing the words out. “Got it?”

“Well,” Keith starts. “I’m never gonna be yours. Got _that_?”

He sees the way James’ jaw clenches. He drops down gracelessly beside Keith again, cradling his arms behind his head. He doesn’t say anything for a while. Keith would think the poor bastard fell asleep, if it hadn’t been for the way his eyes are wide open.

“Hey.”

“What now?”

“Why do you think life does this shit?” James says, looking far too serious for one in the morning.

“What shit?”

“You know,” James says, lowering his voice, “dangling stuff you can’t have right in front of you and everything. It’s fuckin’ cruel.”

“That’s life,” Keith says hollowly. “It isn’t supposed to be fair.”

“That’s fucked,” James says. He laughs and Keith struggles to see what’s so funny when he says, “ _We’re_ fucked.”

“You wanted this,” Keith says. Doesn’t add that he’d agreed to it, that he wanted an escape just as much as James had. “Don’t forget that.”

“I think I hate it,” James murmurs. “The way you fucking look at him drives me crazy.”

“He never did anything to you,” Keith says. He sits up as a wave of nausea hits him and rubs his temples hard.

“Nah,” James says, leaning on one elbow now. “Never did a goddamn thing. But _you_ look at him like he gave you everything.”

“He has,” Keith hisses. “I wouldn’t be here without him.”

“Give me a fuckin’ break.” James reaches for the cigarette pack at the end of the bed and shakes the last one into his palm. He rolls it between his fingers but doesn’t light it, just stares at it while humming softly to himself.

“What?” Keith growls. “You got something to say?”

“You’re out of your mind,” James says, finally lighting the damn cigarette. “You’re fucking in love with him, aren’t you?”

Keith sucks in a breath. It’s not anything shocking. It’s not like he has spent every waking moment wondering why the hell Shiro means so much to him. But hearing another person say it feels like a punch to the gut. Especially someone like _James_.

“Shut the fuck up,” Keith says. Shoves at him, sending little flecks of ash onto James’ comforter. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You hate my guts,” James grits out. “What’s so different between me and him?”

Keith presses his back against the wall and forces himself to look away. He can’t look at that dejected expression on James’ face, the silent way he’s begging Keith to tell him that he loves him too, that things will be different, that everything will work out.

It’s the same way he looks at Shiro, Keith’s sure, but he doesn’t want to fucking _look at it_.

“Everything,” Keith murmurs. “Every goddamn thing.”

“Right,” James whispers. “Of course.”

He gets quiet, for a while again, and Keith can finally fucking think. He rakes his fingers through his hair and buries his face between his knees, taking in deep breathes that still manage to feel so shallow. He swallows down the bitter taste flooding his mouth and presses his cheek to his kneecap, staring at James until he turns to face Keith.

“What?” James asks.

“You never had a fucking chance,” Keith says. “You know that, right?”

James’ expression darkens. Keith prepares himself for the blow.

“Neither did you,” James says. Hearing it still manages to hurt like hell.

James slides down in the bed and throws his arms out. One of them rests across Keith’s feet, a heavy weight that feels like it’s anchoring Keith to the bed. Logically, he could get up. Punch James like he always does, tell him to fuck off and mean it. Never have to see him again, unless they're running sims together. It’d be great. Keith would be free.

But Keith doesn’t want to be free. He wants a reason to feel sorry for himself, a reason to stop pining over Takashi fucking Shirogane.

Maybe he likes hurting James. Maybe he’s a sadistic motherfucker who wants everyone to hurt as much as he does. Maybe he wants someone to share his misery with. Keith doesn't know why he does half the shit he does. Doesn't think he wants to, either, if it means he ends up at James' side like some fucking magnet.

“We’re pathetic, Kogane,” James breaks the silence, sounding oddly resigned. “Aren’t we?”

Keith wants to say that _no_ , James is pathetic, and Keith is only indulging him. But that’s not true. He’s chasing the pain because it’s the only thing that lets him smile at Shiro most days, the only thing that makes him content with standing by him like some kind of charity case. Even though Shiro swears they’re _friends_.

“Yeah,” Keith says, grinding his teeth when James’ hand begins to travel up his leg, forcing himself to pretend it’s bigger, broader, _better_. “We are.”


End file.
